From the desk of the Amazing ‘Ainur…

assalamualaikum w.b.t and kia ora….

hi all…i don’t really feel like writing, but i need to be doing something…i really need to keep myself busy…i’ve been doing too much thinking lately and i know that that’s not good for me…i watched ‘the human stain’ (an incredible movie starring anthony hopkins, nicole kidman, gary sinise, ed harris, WENTWORTH MILLER, etc) two days ago and i found one line that i really, really like: "action is the enemy of thought". true, isn’t it? when you are DOING something, you spend less time THINKING about things…i personally think that ‘thinking’ is the root to all problems…but so is ‘NOT thinking’, come to think about it…hahaha…i’m not making much of a point here, am i?

what have you guys been up to?…well, whatever it is, i hope that you guys are enjoying yourselves…my first week of mid-term break turned out to be an eventful one…i went to auckland to visit my best friend…on the bus to auckland, i sat beside a tranvestite! i kid you not…i spent close to 12 hours sitting beside him/her…don’t get me wrong, i have nothing against tranvestite…it’s just that he/she was HUUUGE! if i’d known earlier that i’d have to sit beside him/her, i’d insist on paying only half the price that i had to pay for the seat…it’s really not fair because he/she took up my side of the seat too…it’s time like this that i really wish i am bigger…

things went uphill once i arrived in auckland…my best friend literally screamed once she spotted me…nice friend, huh?…and that’s when the laughter started…i could now proudly say that i spent four days in auckland laughing…oh, and we managed to squeeze in some sightseeing as well…auckland is really a nice place…friendly and too-cute-to-be-true cafe owner…over-eager and ever-helpful shop assistant…and not to mention the cashier who talked funny…and then there’s the merciless best friend who seemed to love making fun of you (zue, kedai beg di victoria park market. enough said), who gave you a friendship pendant shaped like a LIZARD, of all things (but it’s kinda cute, though), who suggested (’dared’ is more like it) that you STEAL a sign posted on a cute guy’s door (and for some rather incomprehensible reasons, you did)  and who forced you to buy a pair of sandals even though it’s clearly TWO sizes bigger that the size you usually wear (i didn’t buy it though, much to her annoyance)…these, gentle ladies and kind sirs, are the recipe for a PURRRFECT and unforgettable vacation…

on the way back to wellington, i sat beside an old lady who was also HUUUGE…this time the bus got stranded on the highway (in the middle of nowhere, might i add) because of heavy snow…instead of moving forward, the bus was sliding backwards…after 15 minutes of that, the bus driver asked the guys on the bus to get out and push the bus…ladies who were of ’substantial’ sizes were also asked to push the bus…it’s time like this that i feel really glad, thankful even, that i’m both horizontally and vertically challenged…when the guys and girls got back on the bus, they looked like frosty the snowman…honest…at around 4.30 am, the bus stopped at a BP station…i went to buy a hot drink and when i went back to my seat, guess what i found?…the old lady was sleeping, like there’s no tomorrow, on both her side and my side of the seat…her FEET were on MY seat… and what’s more, she was hugging MY pillow…my pillow, for God’ s sake! i was too scared to wake her up, so i had to stand there and wait like a complete idiot…i’ve always known that i’m one of the unluckiest human beings on the face of the Earth…

things went downhill when i arrived in wellington….received news that one of my friends had recently passed away…she’s smart, like Einstein-smart…she was just 21…my age, exactly…her death makes me more aware of my own mortality…we don’t know when we are going to die, do we?…that’s the whole point, isn’t it?….we can’t know…death is a surprise…for each and every one of us, whether we like it or not…and that’s what it does too: it often surprises you…my friend’s death surprises me, as it does her family and other friends too, i’m sure…it was also a much-needed wake-up call…an eye-opener…makes me realize that there’s no such thing as being "too young to die"…our youthness always makes us a little bit cocky…we sometimes think that we are invincible…that we can afford to do stupid things now because there’s time for repentance later…guess what?…sometimes the ‘later’ part never materializes…sometimes we don’t get to live to be 30 or 40 or 50…

after that, i received news from home that my dear grandma had passed away…a few days earlier, my older sister e-mailed me a picture of hers, my grandma i mean, taken at my cousin’s wedding…my grandma is the only person on Earth who calls me ‘Rahmah’…nobody, and i mean nobody, calls me by that name except for my late grandma…i have so many fond memories of her…my grandma is a kebaya-and-kain batik-wearing type of grandma…when i was younger, i went through this phase where i really wanted to be (or look, i really don’t know which) like her…so i asked her to give me some of her kebaya so i could wear it too…she gave me some of the smaller ones and i remember, rather vividly, wearing one during hari raya…i remember wearing a shiny, butter-yellow kebaya…i thought i looked cool…what can i say, i’m a late bloomer…in retrospect, i probably looked like a grandma…anyway, the news about her death crushed me…i keep seeing her faces…and sometimes i feel so sad that i literally couldn’t breathe…you probably know the feeling…

well, i did tell you that my first week of break was eventful…you know what?…writing about my friend’s and grandma’s death is not the catharsis that i thought it would be…before i started writing, i went close to two minutes without thinking about either of them…well, i probably should stop now anyway…i can’t focus anymore…ok…ilalliqa’

p/s: this particular entry is a bit morbid, isn’t it?

"Live everyday like it’s your last; because one day, you’re gonna be right" -Ray Charles-

‘ainurRAHMAHellias

assalamualaikum w.b.t and kia ora…

hello, people…one more week before mid-term break…two mid-term in-class tests before the break…can’t wait…i can’t wait for the break…not the tests…tests are generally not as fun as breaks…see the logic?

well…the world is certainly a lot of fun these days, isn’t it?…it’s one crisis after another…the israeli army is expanding their ground offensive in lebanon…iraq is on the verge of a civil war…mel gibson was arrested for drunk driving (now, THAT’s what i call ‘news’)…the british intelligence foiled a major plot to simultaneously blow up at least 10 american jetliners…and get this…i heard this ‘news’ a little over 5 minutes ago: THE BECKHAM’s ‘rock-solid’ marriage is on the rocks!!!!! can you believe it? alin, i can almost hear you whooping! i know you’ve been praying for this for a long time…

but seriously…the world’s a bad and scary place to live in right now…not that there’s any other option…let’s say…other planets are inhabitable, so we migrate to these other planets…now that we’re there, wherever ‘that’ is, what do we do?…we would fight there too…it’s us…it’s MAN…maybe that’s why Gandhi said: in order for the world to change, we need to change…the problem is we refuse to change…we refuse to learn…history teaches us that wars, more often than not, cause more problems…wars don’t solve anything…you’d have to be a fool to believe otherwise…people actually died in wars…buildings are demolished…civilisations destroyed…so we take a stand…we say that wars are bad…wars are counterproductive…we don’t like wars…but still we go to war…we actually support warmongers…what does that say about us? it’s like the Americans, in a way…they say they don’t like Bush Jr…they say he made bad calls…they say he’s the reason why people in other parts of the world hate Americans…and yet when he, again, ran for presidency in 2004, they voted for him…he gets reelected…talk about irony…

you see? we don’t learn…it’s truly interesting to see how we are easily hoodwinked by the people in the position of power…they could be spewing total BS and people would still believe them without so much as batting their eyelashes…man are funny that way…

my IR lecturer talked about this this afternoon…he quoted his professor, Howard Zinn, who said that : "man are generally good, good things will come from people if they are informed"…it’s true, isn’t it?…man are good…but sometimes they get greedy…this is exactly when things go bad…so i’m waiting for these people to come to their senses…i’m waiting for somebody, anybody, people who are informed, to tell these other people that they are wrong…and that they are being stupid…somebody need to educate these people so they too are informed…i’m trying to have faith in man…maybe someday, when they know better, they’ll turn around…hopefully…

my lecturer also told the class that it’s ok to be passionate…it’s ok to take side…it’s ok to stand up for what you believe in…and that’s what i’m trying to do…what i want you guys to do…there will be times when you will be at loggerheads with other people…there will be times when you will be hated because of what you believe in…Muhammad’s (p.b.u.h) quest to spread the word of God wasn’t always smooth sailing…but did he stop? did he succumb to the pressure? exactly…i have good examples…my parents and siblings are all passionate people…you should see my baby brothers…"kami bagi pinjam gunting kat sapa2 yang bapak dia sokong ………(the name of a political party) saja"…see? and they are not even 12 yet…

okay…anyway, have you guys heard john mayer’s new song yet? it’s called ‘waiting on the world to change’…yup…the guy’s informed…he writes beautiful, emotionally charged lyrics, has a sweet, soulful vocal, he’s gorgeous (the hair…need i say more?)…and more importantly, he’s not afraid to let the world know what he believes in…and that, lads and lasses, is why i love him…i posted the full lyrics on my profile…read it…and listen to the song…it’s good…it’s currently the most downloaded song on iTunes…and no, i don’t get paid for ‘advertising’ him…well, time to go…ilalliqa’…

‘ainur rahmah ellias

assalamualaikum w.b.t and kia ora…

hello, people…how are you guys doing?…hope everything’s fine and dandy…i really shouldn’t sit down and write this, you know…i have an assignment due this thursday…and i really should start doing it…or at least think about it…but everytime i start to make an outline, i start to feel sleepy, or hungry, or just plain bored…assignments always have that effect on me…

today, in case you guys don’t know, is the 27th day of the Israel-Lebanon conflict…27th day…when the conflict began, i didn’t think that it would last this long…and judging by the number of bombings and airstrikes these last few days, it looks like the two parties won’t be stopping any time soon…not really a cheerful thought, that one…but i could be wrong…let’s all hope that i’m wrong…because i think that we have seen enough of blood and tears in the last 27 days to last us a lifetime…it’s time for a cessation of hostilities…the time for diplomacy is now (Condoleezza Rice, or DR. Rice as they all call her, said this; which, if you ask me, is about the only wise thing she has said since she becomes Secretary of State)

what really gets me about this brand new middle east crisis is that it could have been avoided…Hizbullah kidnapped the two Israeli soldiers in the hope that they could be use as a bargaining tool for a prisoner-swap…there are currently 10,000 Arab prisoners inside Israeli jails…and some of these people were captured for reasons unknown even to them…but, alas, the Israeli government rejected the term and instead, launched an airstrike against Lebanon…and they haven’t stopped since…it’s not like there is no precedent for this whole prisoner-swapping thing…it has happened before…they have in the past released Arab prisoners in exchange for abducted Israeli soldiers…why won’t they do it now?

they swore to destroy Hizbullah, as it is a threat to their security (and everyone else’s too, or so they say) and their very existence…they know where the Hizbullah fighters are…they claim to know every single one of the Hizbullah’s stronghold…yet their bombs always stray…hitting villages full of civilians…hitting bridges and main roads and power generators and airports …hitting places THOUGHT to be used by Hizbullah fighters to fire their Katyusha rockets…’thought’?…i thought you ‘knew’ where they are…because of this, because of your unfounded ‘thoughts’, hundreds of civilians had to needlessly die…i watched this interview on TV the other day in which a pro-Israel activist said  "in wars throughout the history of the world, civilians are always the ones who pay the price, so the ever-increasing number of civilian casualties shouldn’t come as a surprise"…that is so very reckless and thoughtless of him…if i were at the rally, i’d go find the guy and smack him…moral of this war, or any other wars, for that matter: people are expendable…is that it? is that what you are saying?

what i learn from this crisis is it helps to have powerful ‘friends’…or even one powerful ‘friend’…a friend who can augment your supply of long-range missiles…who can block the UN-resolution for an immediate cease-fire for you…who can talk other people into backing you up…must be nice to have that kind of friend…it’s really touching to watch the US admin show of loyalty towards the Israeli admin…what i find ironic…no, actually, what i found funny, is the fact that the U S of A supplied food to the Lebanese and bombs to the Israelis…what are they trying to do?…fatten the Lebanese up before they are hit by your bombs?…and how are they going to distribute the food anyway when all of their main roads and bridges are demolished?

i have never, in all of my 20 years of living, supported the use of any forms of violence…except in cases of self-defence, that is…the way i see it, the Hizbullah began attacking Israel because they were attacked first…the Lebanese’ territorial sovereignty was blatantly violated by the Israeli armies…and i can’t understand why anybody would want to delay the process of peace…why can’t we have an immediate cease-fire and work towards a lasting peace from there?…if the Israeli and US government wish to endear themselves to the Arab world by fighting Hizbullah, which they think is the bloody thorn in their, as well as the whole of Arab nations’, side, then they are sadly mistaken…the hatred and hostilities towards the two of you will increase tenfold when this conflict ends…if it ends…they wouldn’t want anything to do with you…it is not even impossible for them to sever all ties with you…but, hey, that’s just what i think…but seriously, i think the Israeli and US government choose the wrong nemesis…the Hizbullah has proven time and again that they are capable militarily…they have always been in top form, and if the rumours of the Iranian and Syrian administrations supplying them with weapons are true, then they are in a better shape…i’m sure that this crisis will also further encourage people to hate Islam and Muslims…but to tell you the truth, i just don’t care anymore…people who haven’t an inkling of what Islam is about are in no position (in fact, they have no right) to judge us…what you say won’t hurt me…not anymore…i am proud of the fact that i am a muslim, in fact, i have never been prouder of that fact…

and one more thing before i stop…the Israeli government has invested BILLIONS of dollars to reestablish, or repair, to be more precise, Lebanon  after its’ 15-year Civil war ended in 1990…why would you want to attack them now?…don’t you want to reap the rewards of your investment?…

i’m truly sorry if this piece of writing offends anybody…that is never my intention…and i’m sorry if you think that the argument is a bit lopsided…it is meant to be lopsided…i wanted everyone to know whose side i’m on…most people would choose to be ‘on the fence’…well, not me…i’m not the world’s most balanced and coordinated person…besides, i’m afraid of height…i’d feel more comfortable not to be ‘on’ anything and instead, opt to stand firmly on one side of the fence…well, this is it…until next time…au revoir…      

"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind" (John F. Kennedy)

‘ainur rahmah ellias